


If I Found a Soul Like Mine

by TheFakeBlondeOne



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff, Funny, Ghosts, Grammarly sucks, I fixed it, I wrote this on my phone for the last 2 to 3 months, Kissing, Love at First Sight, M/M, Nandor and Guillermo falling in love over and over again, Suggestive Themes, Werewolf, Witches, implied sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28686783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFakeBlondeOne/pseuds/TheFakeBlondeOne
Summary: What would have happened if Guillermo wasn't Nandor's familiar.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Ghost of Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	If I Found a Soul Like Mine

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back and I am more tired than ever. This was just a simple piece that spanned into a multicharacter mess on my google docs. If you read this and have opinions, please feel free to share, and thanks for giving this a read.  
> *I revised this and fixed it. If ya'll read this garbage before, thank you so much( Always get 8 hours of sleep kids.)

Guillermo looked around the room adjusting to the dark light, he realized he was being observed by vampires. 

He remembered them; they ate him. He was dead. And for some reason, they summoned his soul into a semi-physical form. Usually, he was just an invisible force moving things around.

"It's you. I remember you, aww, you still look so cute." The lady, Nadja, spoke up first. She looked genuinely happy at seeing Guillermo. 

"Thanks…" Guillermo narrowed his eyes a bit remembering how she killed him.

"Do you remember me, little guy?"

"Yeah, Nadja. You're the one that drank me." He felt his stomach roll, the reality of his situation was slowly sinking into his skin. Or ectoplasm. 

Nadja's eyes glinted a bit at being remembered by Guillermo. "Yes, that was me."

Suddenly the short bearded vampire, Laszlo, got close to Guillermo and pointed an accusatory finger at him. “This reunion is all fine and dandy but tell us why you haunt us apparition?"

"What?” Guillermo squinted his eyes at the accusation. 

"Don't play coy. The library, the note. We know it was you.” Laszlo said proudly while Nadja rolled her eyes at her husband. 

Guillermo just stared back at Laszlo very much confused until he remembered the guy that was always chilling in the front lawn. “That was the guy outside. I'm the one who cleans up the house."

"That was you all this time? You are so sweet." Nadja clapped her hands joyfully while she looked at Guillermo adoringly. Guillermo had spent a whole year taking care of that house and after seeing the vampires' track record with familiars he appreciated his killer's gratitude. “Thank you."

The tall vampire, Nandor, stepped up and looked at Guillermo quizzically. “What guy outside?"

"He said his name is Jeff, he got decapitated in the front lawn or something." Guillermo shrugged a bit after his response, he didn't talk to him much, for the most part, he was a dull wackjob who kept obsessing over his past lives, his eternal love, and his eternal lover's husband. It didn't take much for Guillermo to maintain his distance after one conversation.

"Ah, so the house weirdness has been Jeffs-Jesk all along," Nadja said nodding her head as if she knew all this time that Jeff was outside. She turned to Guillermo and poked his nose adoringly, and subsequently wiped the ectoplasm of her finger on her skirt. “Well, it was quite very nice seeing you again, but I have to take care of him."

"And I'm going to give that creep a piece of my mind." Laszlo exclaimed following Nadja, Nandor ran after the couple after picking up a sword from a wall and putting on his mean face. “And I'll give him a piece of my sword!"

Guillermo was left alone in the designated summoning room for a while until the vampires came back in

"Hello cutie boy, could you move to the side?" Nadja said while sitting down on the chair and putting on her little hat. 

Guillermo shuffled away giving the other vampires space so they could sit down on the table. “Sure but... what are you doing?" 

"We are going to summon ourselves." As soon as she finished talking to Guillermo, she started her incantation. 

"What???"

●●●●

Nandor sat in his room looking between the camera and his ghost counterpart. Fully clad in armor, ghost Nandor was poking any suspicious item in his path.

"So, we summoned our ghosts, and we are trying to appease their souls or some ghost shit, but I ran into a problem. I can't understand him."

His ghost self-turned around angrily, how could he have fallen so low. No horse, no land, no palace, no wives, and he forgot his language too?

《You've forgotten your tongue? Shame on you, foolish goat. 》Having enough of the strange place Nandor sauntered away from the room. He looked around the place trying to spot his lovely steed. Surely his horse's ghost was around. If he was around in ghost form and vampiric form surely his noble steed followed as well.

"Wait where are you going? “ Nandor stood up from his seat looking slightly concerned. 

《I cannot waste my time on this. I need to find my horse. 》Nandor ran into the hallway threatening the chandelier as if it were an entity that saw it all and not a light source. 《 Tell me where my universe is!!!》

From the second floor ghost, Laszlo looked over at the confused man, what kind of people did his vampire counterpart associate with? The bald menace was bad, but a middle east madman dressed like it was the middle ages was somehow worse. To his annoyance, Nandor turned around to talk to him. 《 You there, have you seen my horse? 》

Ghost Lazlo was about to say something less than nice when he gave the man a once over and just shrugged as he saw the sword. He wasn't about to find out if he could get hurt with that. “Afraid not."

As the feeling of frustration and confusion took over, Nandor raised his sword and started to slash the air and stab a nearby lamp with particular hatred. 《Damn it all?! Where is my horse?! Why am I here!? What is this tall light thing?!》

Hearing the scream and the loud clattering, Guillermo walked over to the stairs looking at the two spectral men. “Who’s making all that noise?"

Laszlo hurriedly walked over to Guillermo trying to run away from the sword-wielding weirdo. "That fellow over there. I'd steer away from him if I were you. "Laszlo looked back at Nandor shaking his head before walking to another section of the house. " Just look at what he's wearing. "

《Clown bastard. 》

Nandor turned to ask the ghost on the stairs the whereabouts of his horse and was completely enchanted. All the thoughts of finding his horse were left for later. This man was all that he wanted now.

Despite his many conquests and travels, he had never seen a person of such exotic beauty as him. He wished he had lived longer so that he would have taken over the land of that mysterious beauty, he would have been the most valuable prize of his treasures. 

"Hey there..." Guillermo waved warily at the warrior, trying his best not to set him off.

Nandor wasn't angry, however, he was enamored. What a sweet voice the short ghost had, like pure and raw honey. And his body, so plush and round like a deity of love and passion. 

The man went down the stairs and over to Nandor. Meanwhile, the warrior admired Guillermo's beauty to the maximum. What enchanting eyes he possessed, and his body looked even softer up closely but Nandor knew there were hidden muscles underneath his phantasmal meat and skin. But the part of that man that made Nandor's body feel weak was those beautiful lips.

The lips parted and Nandor delighted in hearing his voice again. "Do you need anything?"

Nandor got closer to him, completely unaware of how close he was, and took his hand. With total comfort, he gave it a soft kiss and Guillermo felt like he was going to melt through the floorboards. 

《I have traveled through multiple lands, conquered many villages, and slaughtered thousands of rulers yet I failed miserably in life for not finding you and keeping you by my side. Please allow me to remedy this grand mistake, oh divine one, by asking what you are called. 》

Guillermo had to blink a bit; he didn't expect much kindness from the guy, but this was... unexpected. Never in his whole life did Guillermo imagine a handsome dead warrior was going to sweep him off his feet, although that's not something anyone did. All that Guillermo could muster was, "Huh?"

Nandor smiled at this. 《Your name. May I have the pleasure of knowing what you are called? 》

Guillermo shook his head a bit. “Oh, my name? I'm Guillermo." 

《Guillermo. 》Nandor said his name in such a sultry tone that it made Guillermo's hands tremble.

《Well then, Guillermo, could you bestow on me the honor of standing by me? Nando asked, bringing Guillermo's hand back to his lips. 

"I'm sorry, what?"

Before Nandor could respond his vampire self-walked toward the ghosts noticing the lamp but not the way his ghost admired Guillermo. 

"There you are you... me. Oh shit! You cut down my lamp!"

While still maintaining eye contact with Guillermo, ] Nandor put his hand up making sure his vampire counterpart stayed quiet. 《Silence your insolence, I am talking to this vision of beauty》 

Nandor looked a bit confused at his ghost, he turned to Guillermo for translation. "What? What is he saying?"

"He, um, said something about b-beauty." Said Guillermo stammering at the unsuspected adulation. 

Nandor smiled softly at how shy his dream man acted. 《Do not be shy, I know having Nandor the Relentless mighty warrior and handsome conqueror near can make your body fill with unease but trust me beloved there are only sweet intentions under this armored body. 》 Nandor sunk to his knees and began to press more kisses on Guillermo's hand.

"Shit," Nandor said at the same time as Guillermo said it too.

●●●●

Guillermo was standing in between the two. Nandor’s ghost was still busy giving his fingers kisses. Regular Nandor was grimacing at the spectacle. “So, it appears that my ghost has fallen for this victim Nadja ate about a month or two ago."

"It's been a year."

At the confession ghost Nandor stopped kissing Guillermo's hand and glared at vampire Nandor, 《 Neglectful fool, your incompetence allowed such a beautiful delight to be killed, and you dare to forget the anniversary of his passing as well. 》

Nandor turned his head toward Guillermo. “What is he saying?"

Feeling a bit nervous about the way that Nandor was talking about him, Guillermo coughed a bit before talking. “He said something about you being negligent and me being dead. "

Nandor just grimaced a bit “So sorry about that by the way." suddenly aware of the many people buried in his yard Nandor asked a very awkward question. "There aren't any other, um, victims like you around."

"No, I'm the only ghost of a victim here." It was sort of lonely after a while but considering the company he was with now, being alone didn't sound half bad. 

In turn, Nandor sighed in relief, but he was going to bury bodies in the neighbor's yard just in case. “Thank goodness."

At that remark ghost, Nandor sneered at vampire Nandor. 《 Look at him all relieved, like he hasn't made a major fault here. 》 He turned his head around and faced Guillermo 《 He should grovel for allowing you to die. 》

Guillermo shrugged a bit trying to not think of his body being buried in some yard. “No, it's fine, it was going to happen sooner or later. Besides, there are worse ways to go."

Nandor frowned at how nonchalant this beauty was talking about his life, he grabbed Guillermo's hand bringing it closer to his chest. 《You underestimate yourself too much, sweetest one. The very least they could have done for you was to adorn your body with gold and jewels and bury you under a sacred tree or something. 》

Nandor looked over to the pair feeling a bit confused and slightly left out. “Victim, what is he saying?"

"He's talking about where my body is buried."

Nandor nodded a bit remembering the night when the victim was buried. "Ah...yes. We usually leave that task to the familiars but Nadja liked you a lot, so we buried you in a nice hole in the backyard."

At this Nandor glared at his vampire self. 《 Throwing him in a dirty ditch is an insult to beauty. 》

"What?" Nandor and Guillermo recited at the same time.

●●●●

The vampires spent two days trying to appease the souls of their ghosts. Of course, their efforts didn't work because their efforts were half-assed at best. Nadja was enjoying herself with her ghost, Laszlo was avoiding his ghost's final wish, and Nandor couldn't even talk to his ghost because he was all over Guillermo.

At the moment Nandor’s ghost was watching Guillermo tidy the room where the seances took place. He was hypnotized by Guillermo.

The latter looked over at Nandor and felt his face blush under Nandor's gaze, despite the lack of total blood. He had never been looked at so intensely before, sure some strangers gave him a look over, but this man was staring at him like he was made of gold. Guillermo looked at himself and turned around a bit trying to find the stain that the warrior was looking at, there had to be one somewhere on him. Maybe Nandor could tell him? "Why are you looking at me like that?"

《I'm admiring your body. 》 Nandor said giving Guillermo a ghostly heart attack.

"Huh... " Guillermo's eyes almost bugged out of his head as he began to stutter quietly to himself, the grip on the book tightened. "My body. You are-okay, sure this is happening. "

Nandor walked confidently towards Guillermo putting down the book he was holding and then grabbed Guillermo's hands. 《 I am vastly experienced in overlooking the allure of a person's form and from all I have seen yours is outstanding. 》

"Thank you?" Said Guillermo, squinting his eyes skeptically.

《I must say your reactions are rather subdued. Surely my living self sang you praises and sweet words before your demise. 》 Nandor tried to not let the fact that his vampire counterpart probably slept with Guillermo bother him. He didn't succeed, but he masked it well.

Guillermo tilted his head to the side, wracking his brain for the vampire's remarks, trying really hard not to faint at the feeling of the warrior's hands on his."I don't think he said anything about me."

Nandor scrunched his face into a mix of disappointment and anger, how dare he ignore a most beautiful creature such as Guillermo? Had the years ruined his brain so much? 《 He is a fool to boast as if he is on his right mind, but I would have never made the mistake of overlooking a candidate for a future spouse like this. 》 Guillermo's face fell slack, he must have misheard, there was no way this handsome man said this. Even if he was ancient and was used to marrying, he would never say that to Guillermo. 《At the very least I would have bedded you. 》

“Excuse me!?"

《It is not rare to yearn for the hold of beauty such as yourself. 》 He stepped back still holding Guillermo's hands and looked at Guillermo again, studying the shape of his eyes, looking over at the curve of his neck and shoulders, and admiring the width of his thighs. 《 Bedding you is just common sense, I can't fathom how my living self failed so miserably in doing the least .》

Guillermo snapped his hands away quickly from Nandor's grasp, he felt his body on fire and decided to go back to cleaning up the room albeit clumsily.

Meanwhile, Colin Robinson was looking at the scene, relishing in the awkward energy and sexual tension, he did like the taste, but it could have used a bit more discord. He picked out the happiest of the two to torment. 

"That guy sure is a hard worker huh?" His eyes glowed blue with anticipation of the smorgasbord he was about to snack on. “Especially with all the dead familiars. His workload must be hefty."

Nandor glared at the idea of Guillermo being treated like a servant. 《They are giant fools for treating Guillermo like a slave donkey. 》

Feeling the discomfort already, Colin decided to keep going by adding a bit of a spicy seasoning he had in mind." I can't imagine how uncomfortable Guillermo must feel right now especially with a flirty stranger cozying up with him while he works."

Nandor snapped his head to the side. Who dared to disturb Guillermo with indecent intentions?!《What does that mean? Who is getting inappropriate with Guillermo? Speak! 》

Colin didn't understand a lick of what the ghost was saying but he understood the tone. He just kept talking hoping that saying things would make the man more upset. “I mean imagine if one day you're working and BAM! An ottoman warrior starts harassing you."

Nandor almost unsheathed his sword at the boring menace remark. 《 How dare you?! I am courting him! 》

."It must be awful for him to be followed by a guy who thinks he's all that and a bag of chips."

《What does a bag of wood chips have to do with this? 》

Colin decided to sprinkle some new terms to confuse him a bit. "I mean this is the 21st-century dude. Consent is extremely important in this social climate and according to the HR slideshow we did at work you are breaching serious personal boundaries."

Nandor didn't understand a thing that man said. At that point, he was sure the bald guy was just messing with him but the possibility of making Guillermo uncomfortable disturbed him. 《 Wha- What does that mean?》

Colin Robinson kept going, almost feeling satisfied with Nandor's sudden guilt. “I know back in the day that was cool and all but not now. Guillermo might not like you the way you like him, and he might not like the way you express your feelings."

《Oh...》

"Anyway, I have to go see you later alligator," Colin said giving a wink and slightly levitating out the door.

《I'm not an alligator. You make no sense. 》Nandor said feeling dejected. 

But the comments made Nandor upset. At no point did Nandor think about whether or not Guillermo was also feeling the same attraction. He was Nandor the Relentless, a handsome man full of virtues and strength but he was dead for 700 years and times had changed, apparently being handsome and gallant wasn't enough to get someone's affection. Besides, that Guillermo acted as shy as a gentle fawn. If he was attracted there was no way for Nandor to know. Suddenly Nandor felt a wave of guilt make way into his stomach.

Noticing Nandor's mood darkening, Guillermo approached him. "Hey, are you okay?" 

《No, I-I. Guillermo, I must know, do my advances bother you? 》Nandor stuttered for the first time in centuries. He felt like a pathetic fool, the last time he stuttered was when he got tongue stabbed by a crafty adversary. Now mighty Nandor, conqueror of cities, was stuttering because he was near a beautiful creature who stole his heart. 

"Not-I mean-not really. It's just a lot of, um, expressions coming at me all at once.". If Guillermo wanted to be honest it was the most adoration he'd ever received in his whole life. Was the warrior's attention and flirting unwanted? No. But the embarrassment of having so much attention was bothering him.

Nandor looked at Guillermo's face and saw conflict flash through Guillermo's eyes. With a sigh, he gave an offer. 《 If it makes you feel better I can stop.》

Guillermo blinked a bit in surprise, thinking through the offer. Somehow the idea of having Nandor ignore him didn't sound good to him. “You can try to be more aloof. " 

Nandor shook his head with a sad smile. 《 There is no need to humor my behavior. If it's for you I will relent. 》

"I don't mind it so much…it's kinda nice. Nobody has ever talked so nice to me as you have. " Guillermo said wringing his fingers nervously while looking at Nandor.

Throughout the months of being stuck alone in that big house, he got used to hearing Laszlo and Nadja flirt with each other. Hearing those sweet words made a small part of Guillermo's heart twinge and over time the twinge turned into a painful jab reminding him that he was forever alone, save for the crazy man outside but that guy proved that his heart was already claimed. (not that Guillermo wanted him either way because wow did that guy need therapy.)

But then a crazy warrior doppelganger of the most moronic vampire popped up and began to say all these things that felt so nice to hear. And for the first time since he died, it made Guillermo feel wanted.

And Nandor was ready to have Guillermo as a lover, a friend, or whatever. Nandor had a myriad of lovers and spouses who he admired and lusted over, but Guillermo made him feel like a young man discovering the feeling of love and desire all over again. Nandor couldn't imagine Guillermo at his palace between his lovers, concubines, and wives. He'd be the favorite husband, the favorite lover, the one and only. Nobody else could compare. 

While Nandor and Guillermo stared at each other with undisturbed and unaddressed affection, ghost Laszlo and ghost Nadja came into the room, Laszlo scoffed at the scene while rolling his eyes. “Look at them with all the mush. All of that for this fellow"

Nandor snapped his head over to Laszlo's direction and glared at him. 《 Silence your insolence. 》

Laszlo looked at Guillermo and shrugged "Well he isn't exactly the ugliest thing out there, but I've seen better, like this woman over here." he gestured at Nadja. “Enchanting"

Nadja smiled at that remark. " Why thank you for your truths. You aren't half bad either."

"Flatterer," Laszlo said while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

At the same moment, the conversation was happening Nandor entered the room and scoffed at the theme of the conversation. "Alright! Enough all of you shut up before I kill myself! Seriously all you have been doing is talking and complaining and flirting like we are in a cheap brothel. "

Ghost Nadja turned to him with her hands on her hips and a judgmental glare. “Maybe if you hadn't summoned us from our plane you wouldn't be in this bind."

Nandor gave her a soap opera gasp, fully offended by her remark "Don't look at me, it's his fault for haunting up the place." Nandor pointed at Guillermo like a child who got caught breaking a plate.

Guillermo did not like that at all, it was bad enough he was stuck with those vampires but now he was being blamed for their stupid decisions. Guillermo pushed himself away from Nandor and turned to vampire Nandor with anger. “My fault!?" 

"Yes, if you hadn't died and stayed around, we would have not summoned any of you!" Nandor whined while pointing an accusatory finger at Guillermo. 

This was the moment Guillermo lost his patience. "If I hadn't died?! You guys killed me!"

Nandor crossed his arms and pouted. "Yeah, but it is still pretty rude to haunt someone's house even if they killed you."

Guillermo felt so very angry that he didn't notice the way the lights and candles flickered with his mood shift. 

Noticing the disturbance Laszlo came in followed by Nadja. " I say, little victim man, stop messing with the electrical currents of this house and go clean the library, it's still a mess. "

Finally done with the ridiculous events of the night and sick of wasting a whole year as a dead servant Guillermo let out his pent up rage directly at the vampires. "Are you shitting me?! Ebony Darkness Dementia killed me, and you guys shoved me down some hole and you still have the balls to ask things of me?! Do you think I wanted to stick around and clean up after a bunch of sloppy vampires?! I had a life and a family, someone to go back to and now I'm stuck in this bootleg Haunted Mansion for eternity!!!"

A literal minute of silence passed while everyone stared at Guillermo until Nandor decided to deep throat his whole foot. "Well, there's no need to get so emotional..."

"Fuck you!!!!!"Guillermo shrieked causing the lightbulbs to explode.

"Yeesh!" Nandor screamed looking indignation at the light fixtures.

Before he could complain his ghost approached him and screamed at his face. 《You disgrace our handsome self!!! Fucking goat brain! 》

"What did I say to me?" Nandor asked as his ghost left the room. Ghost Nadja and Laszlo scoffed and rolled their eyes at him before leaving the vampires alone. After a couple of seconds, Nadja cleared her throat while picking at her skirt. "Actually, if we want to be correct about this it would be Greg-Jekff-Jesk's fault."

Nandor found Guillermo in the attic sitting on an old piano chair, he was staring at the floor and only looked up when Nandor cleared his throat.

《Apologies to you my sweet, my living self is a boar. 》

Guillermo rubbed his eyes still feeling frustrated. "Ugh. No, I'm sorry for saying all those things. I'm just so upset."

Nandor approached him, stopping a couple of feet away《 It is understandable for you to be upset. Nandor looked down at his feet and clenched his fist as memories of his horse floated into his mind. 《 I too didn't get to say goodbye to my loved one.》

Guillermo perked up at that interested in Nandor's past. “Your loved one? Like your wife or kid."

Nandor looked up at the ceiling with sadness as if trying to look for his horse in the heavens above. 《 No. My horse, my beloved universe. 》

"Your horse...." Guillermo looked down again realizing that the most important creature in this man's life was a horse. Guillermo scratched his chin as he realized he was falling for a warlord version of a horse girl.

Nandor looked down at Guillermo with fondness still shining in his eyes. 《Yes, my amazing stallion. How I miss him. But tell me who do you miss? 》

Guillermo closed his eyes, and he remembered the last time he saw his mother, standing near the stove hitting the microwave because the food was coming out cold. He sighed and opened his eyes to look at Nandor. "My mother. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her."

Suddenly it dawned on him that his body was buried in some stranger's yard. His mom had no way of knowing where he was, she was probably sick from looking for him. Or what if she had given up? What if she was all alone in her misery waiting for her son to come back?

"Dios mío! Mamá!!" Suddenly Guillermo was bawling, little ectoplasmic tears dripped on the floor. Nandor was immediately uncomfortable by the crying, he was used to the weeping during a brutal defeat in battle and during times of mourning, he was even used to the wails of his wives when they gave birth. But he didn't like seeing this sweet man cry his heart out. 

He was about to offer some form of comfort when ghost Nadja came in, when she saw Guillermo crying, she rushed over to him and hugged his head. “Oh, poor thing. I know it's hard to bite the dust but don't worry it gets better." 

Guillermo sniffled a bit and wiped his face with his sleeve. "It's not because of that ...It's my mom. She's probably looking for me and I'm stuck here. I'm dead and she has no way of knowing."

His voice broke and he began to cry again. Nadja rubbed his tears away with her apron while Nandor stared sadly, regretful of not having a piece of cloth at hand. 

Suddenly, vampire Nadja popped up from the staircase "There you are, I'm sorry about Nandor's attitude, he can be a pigdick most of the time."

Nadja walked closer to the ghosts and saw Guillermo's tear and snot riddled face and got furious. "Oh! That fucking donkey entrail! Wait till I get my hands on him."

Ghost Nadja got up and grabbed her vampiric counterpart by the arm leading her away from the other two ghosts. ” If you want to help, I think I know how."

●●●●

Days after his body was found, Guillermo was sitting on a small cot under the stairs. He was still sad about his mother (when he saw her wailing on the news, he had a small breakdown) but he felt a little better knowing she had closure. Although he wished his reappearance would have been more subdued.

The sudden development that Guillermo's soul would be appeased if his body were found and laid to rest by his mother, made the vampires decided to bury his body somewhere where people would find him and quickly. So instead of placing the body in a forest or leaving it on the beach, the vampires decided to bury Guillermo in Central Park. By ghost Nandor's insistence, he was buried in a fancy garden with lots of fountains and flowers. Needless to say, the sudden appearance of the body of the missing Guillermo de la Cruz in the Conservatory Garden made headlines news all over the country and after the case was claimed inconclusive due to the irrational cause of death and lack of evidence, he became a popular victim on mystery murder shows and conspiracy theory YouTube channels.

Nandor tried to quietly approach Guillermo who was still departed in thought, but his noisy armor gave him away. He grimaced a bit until Guillermo looked up. Nandor gestured to the empty side of the cot. 《 May I? 》

With a sigh Guillermo conceded. “Sure."

Nandor awkwardly sat down and cleared his throat a bit. 《I'm glad your body was found. I would have wished you would have been cared for better, but these things occur. Not to anyone I know but I'm sure some soul has experienced this. 》

After a beat or two, Nandor wanted to die again. He had taken care of his soldiers and wives in times of grief, why couldn't he take care of this vision of love and affection?

He coughed again and decided to break the silence 《If you don't consider it improper, may I-》

But before Nandor could finish his sentence the small ghost rested his head as best he could on Nandor's chest.

"This is fucking bullshit. I just started to live my life and now I'm-ugh." Guillermo balled his fists and sighed in exasperation.

Nandor tried to say something but the cutie on his chest made talking hard. But he wanted to be a person who could be depended on in times of need. He wanted to be useful outside of war and retaliation. He wanted to make Guillermo feel better.

After thinking of what he was going to say Nandor began to talk 《It is an unfair result, but we all have to go. It will most likely be messy or not ideal but one of the few things I learned is that regret is for the living. 》He grabbed Guillermo's chin between his fingers and raised his head so he could look into Guillermo's eyes. 《 We can only reminisce and move forward. 》

"Thank you."

《You are welcome, my beautiful sunrise. 》

Guillermo looked into Nandor's eyes, those eyes that looked back with adoration and fondness. He felt so comfortable and safe in Nandor's presence, despite the armor. Overcome by the warm feeling in his chest Guillermo closed his eyes and leaned in meeting Nandor's lips.

The ruler was surprised at first, Guillermo seemed so demure and restrained yet he initiated this perfect moment. As they continued kissing Nandor questioned what he had been doing this whole time that negated those lips? From the very start, this should have been his objective. 

This man somehow gained the same importance that his horse had, yet it was difficult to explain how exactly. Some outside forces like fate or destiny or whatever. Deep thinking was to be left for later, all that mattered now was kissing Guillermo. 

《Amazing. 》Nandor spoke as he held and kissed Guillermo, only pulling away to look at Guillermo as if he was his home. 《 Gorgeous creature, what have you done to me? 》

Guillermo shuddered in response, he had never experienced anything so intimate and romantic before. Maybe this was a dream and if it was, he never wanted to wake up. Nandor slowly trailed his thumb over Guillermo's lips before kissing him again while resting himself down on the cot, guiding Guillermo on top of him, trying his best not to poke him with the pinchy parts of his armor.

《Never release my body and soul, my sweet dove. Guillermo whimpered softly as he carded his fingers around Nandor's hair. Nandor kissed Guillermo with more passion while he softly whispered more sweet things into Guillermo's mouth. 《 I want to be eternally forged into your arms. I never want to live without you. 》 Nandor placed one hand behind Guillermo's head, bringing him as close as he possibly could while he moved his mouth against Guillermo’s. 《 I can't live without you knowing you feel like this.》

Despite his rough exterior, Nandor certainty was a softhearted lover. If he had to spend the rest of his eternity inside the house at the least, he would have a very loving and very attractive company. Guillermo ran his fingers lightly around Nandor's armor, feeling the slight indents and cuts from battle until a yell from upstairs brought him back to reality. It was Nandor the vampire, he was calling for his ghost.

Suddenly Guillermo woke up from his incredible dream. What was he doing?! 

Guillermo pushed himself away from Nandor’s embrace and got up from the cot. Nandor got up feeling confused, why did they stop? Had his touches and words bordered on being too lecherous for Guillermo?

Nandor looked at Guillermo preoccupied and sat straight thinking of all the ways he would apologize. 《 Did I do something shameful towards you, starlight? 》

"No, you were so- You're so good! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have-I'm so sorry!" Guillermo sputtered, facing the wall trying to hide the blush that must have been painting his face. There had to be because he felt his face melting off.

《What is there to be sorry for? What should you have not done? 》Nandor said, panic disappearing.

Guillermo bit his lip and turned to face Nandor even though he was sure he was half-melted into the floor and he was just a pile of embarrassing goo. "The k-kissing. I shouldn't have done that."

Nandor let go of a chuckle and his nerves. Despite being 750 he still had it. 《 I wish you'd done it sooner. 》 Nandor said grinning as he approached Guillermo. 《Your lips are truly marvelous. 》

Guillermo balled his fist in his hair and crouched down in embarrassment at the adulation. "¿Por qué tenías que ser tan guapo?"

《Thank you. I am not humbled by your praise but to be acknowledged by a beauty your caliber does affect me. 》

Nandor took Guillermo's hand and gave it yet another kiss. 《 In the best of ways. 》

Nandor placed the other hand behind his back leaving space for Guillermo to walk away if he wished to. 

Meanwhile, Guillermo shook his head trying to remove the spell that was possessing him. There was a fine line between horniness and recklessness, and he was not about to cross it, not again anyway. “This is crazy! We are strangers, we've known each other for, like, 10 days."

《What is time when we are both immune to its effect? 》Nandor said, rubbing his thumb over Guillermo's hand trying to calm him down.

Guillermo had trouble coming up with a reason against that. Death and time do not correlate, once you died time was a distant memory to a soul. It could have been 4 days or 400 centuries since Guillermo died and that didn't matter in his current form. 

Yet there was something human in him that kept him from Nandor, leftover fears and insecurities that might never leave. 

Guillermo looked down at the floor avoiding Nandor's gaze." What if-"

At that Nandor interrupted Guillermo with a stern tone. 《'What if' is a phrase used to symbolize regret and losing. 》 Nandor took a step back dropping Guillermo's hand and Guillermo realized he missed Nandor's proximity and touch. 《 If you regret what we shared then we will be done right here. 》

Guillermo walked close to Nandor grabbing his fingers delicately while still avoiding his face. “I don't regret it. I'm- it's like I'm standing up too fast."

Nandor smiled and kissed the top of Guillermo’s head, happy that Guillermo didn't move away. Instead, Guillermo intertwined their fingers. 《Worry not take your time》

Human logic had no place in the spiritual realm, the soul was no longer bonded to the body, and the fears and the rules that were ingrained in humanity were gone. Guillermo had no problem accepting the feelings in his being once he slowly let go of human thoughts. It was surprising how quickly he felt peace as soon as he let go of all of the rules of body bound love.

With a deep breath Guillermo looked up at Nandor, not fully at peace but full of hope. "Somehow this makes sense."

Nandor brought a hand towards Guillermo's chin looking at him expectantly. Guillermo just smiled and kissed him again.

The person named Guillermo de la Cruz was dead. That wasn't going to change. But he could still change. If he wanted to get technical, he was already changing because never in his life would he make out and accept the affections of a handsome ghost. (Although, that wasn't something attributed to his shyness, just common sense.)

Nandor was elated and he stood with Guillermo's statement. Their connection was undeniable, and he felt like it was practically predestined for them to be here. It made sense. Maybe his death was destiny manifesting its plan so that he could have this moment. So that he could have Guillermo.

Nandor's hands moved to rest on Guillermo's cheeks while Guillermo's hands came to rest on Nandor's waist. 

Both of them were on cloud nine until vampire Nandor pulled the curtains back exposing the two surprised lovers. “Ghost man if you are here and bitching please stop-Oops!"

《Interrupting asshole! 》 Nandor said, staring daggers at his living self. He would have unsheathed his sword had Guillermo's body nor been in the way.

"Little ghost man, did my former self tell you what he wants?" Nandor asked, grimacing a bit at the face his ghost self was giving him.

While still glaring at his vampire self, Nandor whispered in Guillermo's ear. 《Tell him I want him gone so I can have you all to myself. 》

Guillermo steadied himself with Nandor's arm as his knees almost gave out. He cleared his throat before addressing vampire Nandor. “Uhm, h-he keeps talking about, um, your beloved horse."

《You remembered my horse. My universe. 》Nandor said squeezing Guillermo closer. Who was Nandor referring to? Guillermo wasn't sure, but the way Nandor was looking at him gave him an idea.

Meanwhile, vampire Nandor scratched his head. “My horse? Jahan?" Suddenly the light in the vacant basement on Nandor’s brain turned on. “My horse John!!!"

《It took me long enough. 》

An hour later ghost Nandor and vampire Nandor ran from the summoning room into the foyer where John appeared. The others joined looking at the horse with no surprise after the months they'd spent at the house, a horse was the least surprising thing that could be summoned. 

《"Ah, my darling!"》Both Nandor and his ghost petted the horse adoringly, after years they were reunited forever in the afterlife. The fullness in their hearts was unmeasured.

Ghost Nandor looked over at Guillermo and beckoned him. 《Come, Guillermo, I want you to meet one of my sweetest heart. 》

Guillermo walked over to the horse and grabbed Nandor's hand who guided him to pet the horse.

" Hi, John.” Guillermo smiled as he patted John's face. John shook his head a little and rested his forehead into Guillermo's hand. Guillermo smiled even more as he lightly scratched John’s head."¿Quién es el caballo más lindo del mundo?"

The picture of Guillermo cozying up to John was something that was going to occupy Nandor's thoughts for the rest of his undead life. Nandor hugged Guillermo from the back wrapping one arm between his midsection while the other petted John.

While watching the scene, Laszlo turned to his ghost self. “Isn’t something supposed to be happening right now?"

Ghost Laszlo looked at him like he'd just asked a stupid question. “What should be happening?"

"Shouldn't you guys be phasing out and disappearing?" Laszlo said, waving his hand in the air as if symbolizing the ghost disappearing. 

This time it was Nandor's turn to speak." You finished your unfinished business. So now go, get out of the mortal plane, follow the light. Shoo!"

Nandor waved his hand at the other ghosts' direction, except John who he petted.

Guillermo and the rest of the ghosts looked at each other with clear confusion on their faces, even John tilted his head as if wondering what the blood drinkers meant. Even if their last requests were met you couldn't get rid of ghosts; they could travel to different dimensional planes and some could shift around through time, but ghosts never left for good, every spectral creature realized that much upon 'waking up'. Guillermo was the one who spoke to the vampires a little bit upset at the turn of events, he honestly thought they had a clue at what they were getting into. "That's not how it works. We don't just disappear into purgatory or whatever you call it. What made you think we could control when we leave?"

"Nadja!" Nandor screamed, turning to Nadja, furious at the revelation. 

Nadja just shrugged, feeling little guilt over summoning haphazardly. "The book tells about how to summon a ghost, everything else is just pure guessing work. "

Laszlo looked up to the ceiling dramatically, while pointing at his wife. “I told you all that ghost nonsense was bullshit!"

"Really? Then what is he? A fart gas?" Nadja said, putting her hands on her hips and stomping her foot. Somewhere in the corner, she could feel Colin Robinson, but she was too mad to talk to him.

《Are they fucking serious? They summoned all of us without knowing the consequences. They just did this shit on a whim. 》 Nandor said, frowning with anger and judgment similar to a mother scrutinizing her child's cooking. After all that they didn't even want the ghost to stay. He would have felt worse had he not had Guillermo in his arms at the moment. 

"Oof, I'm getting secondhand embarrassment." Ghost Nadja said, placing a hand near her sight of vision. 

"Buckle up because it doesn't get better." Guillermo said remembering all the sick and embarrassing things the vampires had done. “You weren't here when they turned a familiar into a zombie."

Laszlo tisked at his vampire form while slowly retreating out of the room. "How humiliating to see my grand old self in such a deplorable state." 

《Enough! Whatever you did is not of our concern. Come, my golden flower! 》 Nandor wrapped his other arm around Guillermo's waist and sat him down side-saddle on top of John. He jumped on John's saddle and held Guillermo by his middle with one hand and raised his sword with the other. 《 Let us not stall destiny any longer. 》

"Hold on now there's no need to get restless. "Laszlo said, pulling Nadja and her ghost away from John. 

《Let us go! 》Guillermo hugged Nandor's torso as Nandor lowered his sword pointing forward, John stood on his hind legs for a second and rushed down the hallway as soon as his hooves touched the ground.

"What is he doing?" Nadja said behind Laszlo.

"Wait! No, don't do that! The walls!!!!"

Nandor ran behind the horse but wasn't fast enough to stop the ghosts from running into the wall and creating a big ectoplasmic explosion that permeated the wall. "Fucking ghost guy !!!!"

Suddenly Laszlo turned to Nadja's ghost in an angered panic. “Wait a minute so you’re telling me I didn't have to-Where the fuck are you, me?! I'll kick my own ass if I have to!!!"

●●●●

The camera turned on and faced a bitter Nandor sitting on his chaise. He played with his rings, trying to achieve a sort of blasé attitude but it ended up looking more like his hands itched. “The house is full of ghosts now. Laszlo's ghost is always reading historical fiction erotica, reviewing purposes or something. Nadja got a hold of a doll that is being possessed by her ghost, and my ghost..."

Nandor shifted, looking very uncomfortable. "My ghost is around the house." 

"John is still here with us and every day I pet him and kiss him. I don't mind the ectoplasmic goop anymore," Nandor turned over to the side where John was standing. "So sweet."

He waved to John and made some kissy noises before he continued talking to the camera. “My ghost still loves John very much but keeps himself occupied as of late."

From the hall a booming, laughing voice and chain rattling could be heard; camera 2 turned over and rushed toward the hallway almost colliding with Guillermo. 

"Sorry! Excuse me!" Guillermo yelled, laughing as he ran down the hall.

《You cannot run far from me! I will not allow such beauty to escape my grasp again! 》Nandor roared as he chased after Guillermo. 

"They do that often, lots of moaning as of late. “Nandor rolled his eyes at the couple's juvenile games. “But at least Guillermo tends to tidy things up whenever we make a mess." As he finished saying that John sneezed loudly spraying the floor and furniture with ectoplasm, Nandor just grimaced at the camera. “He also takes care of the ghosts' messes. Guillermo! John just sneezed again!"

Guillermo ran into the room a few moments later with a bucket and rags. “I’m on it."

He laid the bucket down and petted John's head. "Salud. John."

Before he could clean up the snot, Nandor ran into the room and grabbed Guillermo by the waist hoisting him up into his arms.

《Ah-ha-ha, I have caught you, my prey! 》

Nandor quickly kissed Guillermo on his lips before talking again. 《Now I shall reap the delicious fruits of my labor. 》

As ghost Nandor walked away with Guillermo in his arms, vampire Nandor got up and screamed at his counterpart while pointing at the sneeze. "What the shit are you doing? I need him to clean all this goop!"

Nandor dismisses his vampire self by continuing to walk out of the room. 《Do it yourself, he is not going to be able to clean for a while. 》

"What the fuck are you saying!?" Nandor screamed while stomping his foot down like a toddler who didn't get the last bag of cheese puffs.

While Nandor had a tantrum, the couple headed to the stairs without any actual direction in mind, they just stared at each other lovingly. They felt like a couple of preteens, they believed that they were meant to be together forever, and no one could set them apart (not if Nandor and his sword had anything to say about it.)

While walking about, the ghost bumped into ghost Laszlo, who was shifting his robe side to side. When he saw the couple, he tipped his nightcap at them. “Evening gentlemen "

"Hi, Laszlo."

" I see you're up to no good" Laszlo said with a chuckle, still shifting his night robe. 

Nandor's shook his head and looked at Guillermo adoringly. 《 Everything is better than good when Guillermo is involved. 》

"Ottoman sap." Laszlo said with a scoff.

He was about to say something else but from the depths of the house Nadja's unholy screeching rang out, making all the ghosts jump. 

With a quick wave ghost Laszlo turned invisible, not wanting to take chances he ran outside not before asking a favor. "If my vampire self asks for me, don't answer, just kiss between yourselves until he leaves!"

Before either ghost could say anything Nadja flew in looking immensely angry, a striking contrast to the bored doll she held in her arms. "Was that Laszlo's ghost who just left the house?!"

Both of the ghosts nodded in fear, Nandor turned his body sideways so Guillermo was shielded away from Nadja. 

"Ugh, I should have never let him out of my sight! He left a drippy mess all over the ceiling in the library! I told him not to read those bloody sex books but no. Periodical inauthenticity my ass and tits!"

Nadja walked away cursing her husband's ghost. As she walked past the couple Doll Nadja turned her head around and winked at Guillermo. "Don't worry about the discharge cutie patootie. We will make him clean it up with his sorry ghost tongue."

Guillermo cringed at the mental image of the library while Nandor just shook his head, despite enjoying the rest of his life with the most magnificent creation he'd have to live in the craziest household in the state. A household that didn't understand the meaning of privacy and decency, that wouldn't do at all. He turned to his sweet ghost and whispered in his ear. 《 Hold on my rose petal, we are going to the attic for more privacy. 》

"The attic!?"

Nandor quickly floated up through the ceiling with Guillermo, passing through the hallway where they almost bumped into Laszlo who was walking away from one of Colin Robinson's work stories. 

Once the ghost reached the attic Nandor placed Guillermo down on a chair and kneeled before him giving his hand kisses just like the day they met. Outside the house they could faintly hear Nadja's voice yelling at either Jeff or Laszlo and downstairs Nandor yelled in annoyance 

"John! You messy boy. Oh, if you weren't so cute, I'd be totally angry. "

Guillermo couldn't help it and laughed at the absurdity of it all, this was his final resting spot for all eternity and even though it wasn't ideal, he knew that there was no place he'd ever feel as happy in. Nandor stared at Guillermo, happy to see his beloved laughing. He tilted his head and got close to Guillermo. 《 What amuses you so, my stunning muse? 》

Guillermo looked at Nandor and shook his head while chuckling.

"I'll tell you someday.” Guillermo got closer to Nandor's lips.

**Author's Note:**

> In a higher plane of existence such as the afterlife, there is no language barrier or time and this is the hill I die on.  
> 


End file.
